Real Housewives of the 21st Century

housewife [derogation]

I’ll stop short of offering you lifelong slavery, but I will happily make you a Bloody Mary when you get home (Photo credit: the|G|™)

Today one of the most exciting developments of my housewife-in-Brooklynlife occured.

To backtrack a little, yesterday I once again had to sweep our polished concrete floors with a dustpan. Hands and knees style. Which is no easy feat when you’re trying to collect a month’s worth of dust and pet hair from a fairly decent sized apartment with two dogs and a husband residing in it.

Fed up, and contrary to the h’s insistence that we purchase nothing (though I noted he has purchased both an Amazon Prime membership for the year and continues his Rdio subscription – both rather unneccessary expenses) I looked on Amazon and found the perfect solution.

Introducing the BISSELL PowerEdge Pet Hard Floor Vacuum.

I propose two major reasons this is the invention of the housewife century. 1 – it’s completely self contained, but still powerful, in a small upright design that is self supporting. So you can walk away from it when it’s upright, and it stays there. 2 – IT PICKS UP A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF PET HAIR, DUST, CRUMBS and other filth instead of just pushing it around the floor like the joyful spoils of the nastiest pinata ever.

Now, it may be shocking to you to see me rejoicing about an appliance but let me let you in on a secret. Despite my incredible coolness, the amazingly aspirational aspects of my appearance, the fast-paced career I have just left – I LOVE the trappings of housewifery.

Case in point – at this moment I have a casserole simmering away on the stovetop, to parcel out and freeze for a ‘rainy day’. Because I like home cooked food, and I enjoy preparing nutritious meals.

I get immense satisfaction from ‘everything in its place’.

I have an unnatural obsession with perfectly folded towels and colour coordinated clothing in wardrobes. And ALL MATCHING HANGERS. (And I am not OCD, but I am very house proud).

It is a surprise to me, actually, that I love these things so much. I have always considered myself quite a modern woman. I am in a situation where I am forced to be at home. But even when I work 10-12 hour days I obsess about the same things. I get so much satisfaction from fresh linen on the bed, throwing open the curtains to greet the day, spring cleaning the cupboards. I also get great of satisfaction from nailing a new business pitch, landing the perfect PR placement for a client, or hurting like hell yet pushing through a pain threshold I didn’t know existed while I’m working out.

So I am happy to revel in my housewifery as another gleaming pearl on the necklace of my personality. Tea, anyone?

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